One thing was for sure: She was outgrowing the club scene. She wanted to do something more significant and meaningful for this birthday – a dinner party. She wanted to invite about 15 to 20 of her closest friends. She sent the invitation out early, but approximately a week until her birthday party, she started to panic. Only six people had RSVP’d. She was getting nervous. Then, she had an a-ha moment. When was the last time she had RSVP’d or even attended any of the recent events she had been invited to? She led an active life, so it was difficult for her to attend all those engagements.
Had karma come back to bite her? Were people holding out on her because she always had an excuse as to why she couldn’t attend their soirees? The truth is she was not very supportive of others in that regard, and now, on her big day, she could experience how that feels. She finally realized that she wasn’t the friend she wanted others to be to her.
Everybody has an internal list of what they want, be it the ideal house, the ideal family, the ideal friends, the ideal job, the ideal income and so forth. Having ideals are natural and give us standards to live up to. While all of them may not be realistic, they ultimately give us something to reach for and help us to aim as high as possible.
After all, what’s wrong with wanting a wealthy, tall, dark and handsome man, who is madly in love with you, committed to you, considerate, fun and in shape? That’s a reasonable goal to have. There’s just one thing missing: the “you” factor. How close do you come to the ideals that you require of others?
The One in Shape
I am always amazed when I hear people, especially men, talk about how their women need to look modelesque, like Tyra Banks, for example. First of all, she’s a supermodel. Second, the guy with these requirements is 5'9" with a beer belly and never goes to the gym. Do you think Tyra would want him? But that doesn’t stop him from having an ideal woman, as unrealistic as it may seem.
Now, what about you? Are you in the same shape that you desire someone else to be in? Do you make comments about how other people need to lose weight, but you fail to address the 20 pounds you’ve gained? Stop talking about others, and start working on you. Then, perhaps you can invite them to come to the gym with you or share a new healthy food recipe. Be the one that makes a difference.
The Good Confidante
We all know people who we’ve learned not to share our business with because they are going to gossip. If you don’t know anyone like that, you may be the person who no one tells anything because you talk too much. I know that you don’t mean any harm. The conversations you have go something like this: “Girl, you are not going to believe this!” and “Now, I’m not supposed to tell anyone, so this stays between me and you.” Five people later, it’s clear that you’re not a good keeper of secrets.
So if you’re wondering why nobody ever tells you anything, check your secret-keeping record. Be the one who honors a secret because you’ll need someone to cover you in a dark hour. Trust me on that. Be the secret keeper, not the secret teller.
DEYA DIRECTIVE: Own your truth. Be your ideal. And if you realize that it’s going to take you more time and effort to get where you want to be, then realize how that may also be true for others as well. Extend more grace, something that we all need.
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